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Phil’s Five Stages of Courting

1. Preparation- Hit on less attractive, “warm-up girls” to cultivate confidence and build momentum.

2. Implementation- Muster up enough liquid courage in the Preparation stage to approach your target. Start a conversation about how awesome you are.

3. Libation- Eventually you will run out of interesting things to say. When all else fails, buy her another drink.

4. Solicitation- Invite her back to your place to “watch a movie”.

5. Copulation- If she has put up with your shit for this long, then chances are you brought home the “warm-up girl” from Stage one. Take a cold shower and forgive your drunk self for being an asshole. If it turns out she’s a worthy mate, then feel free to bask in your glory. Your socially awkward and reckless text messages will scare her away soon enough, and you will inevitably start over.